Hidden Hearts
by Jen K
Summary: Perry’s romantic Valentine’s Day gesture inspires Lois to open up about her true feelings for Clark. Sequel to Christmas Wishes and Old Acquaintance.


Author's note: This takes place after my other stories, _Christmas Wishes_ and _Old Acquaintance_. I recommend reading them beforehand but its probably not entirely necessary. Special thanks to my wonderful betas Mark C and htbthomas and bistyboo1972 for starting 12-Days-of-Clois.

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**Hidden Hearts**

After New Years, the people in the office could not help but notice Lois' precarious relationship with Richard had become significantly happier and more solid. The word around _The Daily Planet _was that Lois had finally given up on Superman. _Even Richard must believe this_, Lois thought, at least from they way she had been acting.

The last six weeks had not been about convincing the office; truthfully she was trying to convince _herself_ that she was in love with Richard. And for a while she even believed it to be true.

It was only two days ago that she woke up and realized she was deluding herself. It was true that she was happier than she had been in a long time, that part at least was not a lie, but it wasn't for the reason she thought or wanted.

Every morning she woke up excited for the day and this was something she had never experienced, even after two cups of coffee. When she awoke, she jumped out of bed with anticipation…to see him. It was what she looked forward to every morning and then every evening, she nodded off to sleep knowing that when she woke up, she would go to work and there he would be.

At first, this desire to see him had been purely out of curiosity. After everything she had been through, she needed to know this man.

She watched his little habits. The way he sometimes hovered behind Gil and Jimmy when they were talking, trying to break into the conversation, unsure what to say and ultimately walking away in defeat.

She watched him in the war room when Perry discussed the latest Superman-related story. He never as much as batted an eyelash at the mention of his deeds. He stood in back, took notes, and nodded in agreement along with everyone else, occasionally risking a look in her direction.

And when the news broke about some disaster half way across the world, she would glance over at his empty desk. Sometimes his chair would still be swiveling from his swift yet discreet departure. Lois would then catch the action live on TV. After preventing some terrible catastrophe, she would see him fly off in the distance. And then there he would be, back at the office as if nothing remarkable had happened. In fact, the TV reports usually ran a five second delay and sometimes he would be back before news even showed him flying away. Occasionally Perry made remarks about his absence, but he would stand there silently, accepting whatever criticism Perry had to throw at him.

He knew of course that she was watching him all this time. It was only fair, Lois thought, after all the years he had secretly been watching her.

After New Years, Lois told Richard that she thought the office was a bad influence on Jason. They had been taking him to daycare after school instead of letting him run around the office as he had before. Truthfully, this was a ploy to keep Jason away from _him_.

But the few times that Jason did show up - usually holding Richard's hand - she watched the way Clark looked at his son. It was a look of pride mixed with pain.

It had been hard for her to think of Superman as human, but slowly she was accepting this fact. But nothing made this seem true more than the pain she saw in his eyes upon seeing Jason_. This pain was so real, as only we could feel it._

Over these last six weeks of watching him, her feelings had slowly changed. She no longer watched out of spite. In fact, she looked forward to watching his little idiosyncrasies.

She watched in amusement at the way he always let others push their way ahead of him and never seemed to mind. The way he took his coffee – he so gently ripped the sugar packet and meticulously poured his cream. The way he fidgeted when he knew she was watching.

On Valentine's Day, she had already known for two days and had admitted to herself that she was in love with Clark Kent.

Richard had not done anything special for her yet, not that she was looking forward to whatever surprise he had in store for her. It was still early, and the morning had been rushed, struggling to get Jason to school on time. She knew that he would have something planned in the evening.

It was Richard's turn to drop Jason off at school so Lois got to work before him.

As she walked into the office, she was overwhelmed by a sea of red roses and candy –everyone eager to display how much they were loved.

She rolled her eyes at the sight and made her way over to her flowerless desk. She was surprised when Clark approached her.

"I need to talk to you. In private."

"Whatever you need to say to me you can say it here," she replied spitefully. She was not ready for him to know the way she really felt.

"I'm giving my two weeks notice to Perry," he informed her without meeting her eyes. "I can't keep working here…with you."

She was shocked. "But you told me before that you loved this job." After all the time she spent watching him, she knew it to be true.

"I do."

"Then it shouldn't matter if I'm here or not."

_Lois what are you doing? Tell him to stay. Confess your love. Why do you still want him to suffer? Haven't you both suffered enough? Stop pretending to be strong._

"Clark, you've always worked with me. It never bothered you before."

"Before, I had hope. I hoped maybe you would notice me, that maybe you would accept me for who I really am. But I see that will never happen now. I don't want to stand in the way of you or your family."

"You're not standing in the way."

"It's killing me inside!" He raised his voice in frustration, no longer caring if anyone overheard. "And today, seeing everyone else surrounded by tokens of affection…there is only one person I can think of – could ever think of – and there's no way she could forgive me, let alone love me. I just can't do this anymore."

She saw his eyes look passed her and even before she turned around she knew that Richard was approaching.

"Look, I should go," Clark added. "I'll be speaking with Perry this afternoon. I just wanted you to hear it from me first."

"Clark..." was all that she could say to protest. But he continued walking away and she felt Richard come up from behind her, wrapping his arm around her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

At that moment, Perry came out of his office and bellowed an announcement, "I want everyone's attention! Into the war room, now."

Lois was not sure what to expect from Perry. Right now her thoughts were preoccupied with what she needed to tell Clark.

She and Richard filtered into the war room along with the other _Daily Planet_ staff members. The long table and office chairs that usually graced the room had been cleared out.

Lois noticed Perry's wife, Alice, standing in the corner. Perry and Alice had a tempestuous relationship. They had been divorced and then remarried and the gossip mill had it rumored that Alice was threatening divorce again. _The Daily Planet_ was more than just a mistress for Perry White; it was an obsession and Alice had to take drastic measures to compete for his attention.

"As many of you might know, today is Valentine's Day. It also happens to be my anniversary."

"First or second?" someone called out.

Perry shot a glance toward the voice. "I know it's a cliché to get married on Valentine's Day. Truthfully, I picked this date so I'd be able to remember our anniversary. I've never been much of a romantic and I don't know how Alice has put up with me for the last 34 years. God knows I haven't been the best husband… but I love her. And I could declare my love for her over and over again, but it really wouldn't mean anything unless I did here, in front of all of you."

He then reached out and took his wife by the hand. "Alice, how could you think I'd rather spend time with these schmucks than you? And I know I'm never going to live this down, but Alice Marie White, could I have this dance?"

He pointed to his secretary, who pressed play on the speakers that Lois just noticed had been brought in. As the music started, Perry signaled for people to clear a space in the middle of the room, and then he and Alice started slow dancing.

It was an old song, and even though it was just the melody, she recognized the song right away. Lois met eyes with Clark across the room. As if on cue, Richard grabbed her hand. Clark looked away and tried to head for the door, clearly unable to watch Richard hold her hand during such an emotional moment. He had never been good at pushing through a crowd and Lois was thankful for that now.

"Wait," she whispered.

"Did you say something?" Richard asked.

"No, no, just humming along."

She remembered the song from one of the Frank Sinatra records her father used to play. Lois's father maintained a tough, strict image most of the time. He never wanted to be thought of as a romantic, but this all faded away when he was channeling "Ol' Blue Eyes". In those rare moments, when Frank Sinatra was playing, he would sing to Lois' mother and show her the affection he so often withheld, particularly in front of her and Lucy. He would use his hands as a pretend microphone and when he sang, in his mind he honestly believed that he rivaled Sinatra. Perhaps in a more perfect world he could have wielded his voice as his only weapon.

So Lois had picked up the lyrics to many of Sinatra's songs, even the more obscure ones. On the days she wanted to remember those happier times, she would play them over and over again.

"Clark," she whispered, barely speaking, hoping to stop him from leaving.

Not knowing what else to say, she let the lyrics of the song speak for her, just as her reserved father had done before.

Inaudible to anyone but him, she sang,

_You went away and my heart went with you_

_I speak your name in my ev'ry prayer_

_If there is some other way to prove that I love you_

_I swear I don't know how_

_You'll never know if you don't know now_

The music faded out and Alice rested her head on Perry's shoulder.

Clark eyes blazed with confusion across the room.

"It's true. I love you," Lois added in her whisper while holding the hand of another man.

"What was that?" Richard asked.

"Nothing."

As the song ended, her co-workers whistled and yelled out catcalls. She rolled her eyes wondering how her co-workers could be so immature and then noticed that Jimmy was the one egging them on.

"Alright, that's enough." Perry demanded, back to his usual self. "Get out of here, all of you."

Alice was beaming.

Lois kept eye contact with Clark. As everyone left the room, she and Richard got separated in the crowd. Clark discreetly came up behind her and said, "We need to talk. Roof in five minutes."

He then went back to his desk and sat down as if nothing had happened.

Lois gave Richard an excuse and then made her way up to the roof. Although Clark had been at his desk when she left, he was waiting for her on the rooftop.

"What _was_ that down there?" he asked her.

"I love you," Lois answered with the simple truth.

He laughed. "Are you still trying to torture me?"

"No. I tried as hard as I could not to love you, but I can't. I didn't want to admit it until now."

"Really?" he questioned, still in disbelief.

She put her hand affectionately on his chest. "Yes."

"What about Richard?"

"I've always loved you. And our relationship wasn't working long before I learned the truth about you."

"Lately, you seemed so happy together."

"I wanted you to think that. I _did_ want to punish you. I mean, what does that say about my relationship with Richard that I would do something like that? But when you told me today you were quitting, even if it's just _The Daily Planet_…you can't leave me again."

"And now that you know…you want to be with Clark?"

"I've come to appreciate your little quirks," she smiled. "It makes Superman nowhere near as intimidating."

She stood on her tiptoes leaning in towards him, hoping that he would kiss her. She saw that he wanted to, but held back.

"This is what you really want?"

"It's what I've always wanted."

"It's not going to be simple. A relationship with me…no one can know. Lois, as far as the office is concerned there's only one man you'd leave Richard for…people will get suspicious if we start dating. We can't show affection around the office; you'll have to treat me like you always have. We'll never be able to do the normal things that couples do. I mean there are times I have to leave without even a moment's notice. And your life, and Jason's life, will always be in considerable danger."

"I'm willing to take the risks."

"Think about it. I want you to take a week to decide, think it over. Make sure that this is what you really want and you're not just swept up in the moment due to Perry's little romantic effort down there."

She laughed. There was that sense of humor she'd never seen in Superman.

"Fine, I'll think it over." Her mind was made up, but she knew that there was no arguing this point with him. "So are you still giving your two weeks notice?"

"I think I'll wait a little longer before handing in my resignation. Things just got interesting."

…………..

Richard took her out that evening to one of most romantic restaurants in Metropolis. Everything was perfect, except for what she knew she had to say.

She was going to wait, she told herself. She should not do this to him on Valentine's Day.

They had not even gotten to the entree when Lois put down her salad fork. "Richard, we need to talk."

He laughed a pained laugh. "You had to pick tonight. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised."

"What do you mean?" How could he possibly know what she was going to say?

"You're ending our engagement aren't you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"I know you, Lois. I knew that since New Years you've been making one last ditch effort to make it work between us. These last couple weeks…it was the calm before the storm."

"You really do know me well," she conceded as she refolded her napkin on her lap.

"You learn a few things after being engaged to someone for 6 years."

"I'm sorry. I really am."

"I knew what I was getting into. I knew that you'd always love him more than me and I was prepared to live with that. I just didn't think he'd ever come back. When he did… I knew… well, thank you for holding out as long as you did."

He reached out across the table and squeezed her hand and stared at her with heartfelt emotion. When he let go, she knew that this was his way of releasing her.

…………

Perry gave her time off after the break up to get her life sorted out. She had not contacted Clark during this time, partly because moving out and making other arrangements had preoccupied most of her time but also because the one week had not yet passed. Richard was taking time off and then transferring back to the London office. He wanted the break up to be as clean as possible. He told her he needed to be away for the time being and that the other details they would work out later.

It was February 24th, well passed the week deadline Clark had given her, when she returned to the office. She walked into _The Daily Planet_ with eager anticipation to see the man she truly loved and to begin her life anew.

Clark must have felt it too. He was already at his desk and stood up when she walked in. As Lois made her way to her desk, she could feel the eyes on her and knew that the gossip was starting. From what she heard, everyone blamed her for the break-up.

There he was at his desk, standing up, waiting for her with those puppy dog eyes. A small crowd had gathered around her to offer sympathy, or subtly root for the juicy details, and when Clark realized that she was not stopping at his desk, he could not help but approach her as well.

"Lois." Their eyes met. "I heard about Richard."

"Clark Kent, what gives you the nerve to say that to me?" She then looked around the office and yelled, "That goes for everyone else. My relationship is off limits. There's other news in Metropolis."

She smiled slyly to herself as he sauntered off confused and hurt.

Later he approached her desk again. "I think we should talk."

"Clark!" She shouted loud enough for the neighbors at their desk to hear. "What did I tell you before? Don't you have some obituary to write or some ridiculous human interest story to focus on? Leave me alone."

He walked away dejected.

"Rooftop. Five minutes," she whispered under her breath.

He was there waiting for her on the roof. "I don't understand. I thought that when you broke up with Richard it meant…what you said to me on Valentine's Day."

She could not contain her sly smile any longer. "You're not the only who can act."

"So you aren't mad at me?"

"No," she grabbed his suit coat with both hands and pulled him closer to her. "Not anymore. You said yourself that no one could know the truth and I'm OK with that."

She pulled down on his coat, bringing him down to kiss him.

"I think this is going to be fun, Smallville."

…………..

Every night he came to her, and each morning she woke up with anticipation of new ways to pretend to harass him. "God, Clark. Can't you do anything right?"

"I'm sorry, Lois." he would reply.

"Damn it. Smallville, you're not doing anything, are you? Perry never puts you on anything important. I need you to pick up Jason…and my dry cleaning while you're at it."

"Yes, Lois."

"I'm out of staples, Clark. And I could use a coffee."

"Of course, Lois."

Every day she found little ways to be mean to Clark Kent. But really when she said "You're good for nothing," it meant 'I love you.'

Every time she yelled at him, it made her yearn for their nights together. He would fly to her window discretely and she would joke, "Let's see if you're good for something."

"Yes, Lois," he would reply as he joined her in her bed.

The nights never seemed long enough. It was the only time they could be themselves around each other. And there was passion – unlike she had ever known, but there were also times when they just simply talked.

And in the morning he would be gone.

The rumor mill had it that Lois had sworn off men after her break up with Richard and that she had decided to take her anger out on Clark.

Poor Clark Kent, they said.

In fact, she had enjoyed torturing him so much that he even had to ask her to tone it down. "They talk about how you abuse me."

"Can't take it, can you, Smallville?" she chided, even though they were in her bed.

"You're all talk, Lois Lane. I know you're really not so tough," he smiled. "But seriously, I'd rather they not notice. We don't want anyone to get suspicious."

So Lois tried to balance her hurtful remarks to Clark with cold indifference.

………….

She did not know how the time had passed so quickly, but somehow it was Christmas again.

Lois gave out her Christmas cards to everyone in the office.

"Oh, I forgot a card for you, Clark." she said for the benefit of her coworkers. "Um, this is awkward. Sorry about that."

"Oh, don't worry Lois, I understand."

She whispered under her breath, "You'll get something better than a card tonight."

Jason was off from school for Christmas vacation. He sat in the corner coloring. Lois was busy making holiday arrangements for the annual party but she passed by undetected just as Jimmy sat down next to Jason.

"Cool picture," Jimmy said.

In some ways Jimmy still had the innocence of a child and she suspected that he felt more comfortable around her son than most of the adults in the office.

"Hey Jason, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he replied, not looking up from his drawing.

"Do you know why your mom hates Clark so much?" Jimmy did not realize that Lois was just around the corner and could hear him.

Jason still did not look up from his drawing, but he smiled, amused by the question.

"She doesn't hate Mr. Clark. She _loves _him," her son corrected Jimmy as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

_The End_

Author's Note: The lyrics are from the song "You'll Never Know" by Harry Warren and Mack Gordon.


End file.
